26
Nov
08

Top 10 games they need to make

You hate it when they get a great idea wrong. You hate it when your favorite rusty, aged and dead 80s game franchise gets a successor, only to see it suck. Yes. Yes, you do. So here’s a list of what they need to get right and what they better get right next time. These are the top ten games we want [announced] now. Or at least I do.

10- Some kind of western, free roaming R.P.G

Gun was great. But that’s the only really great recent western game to date. If Fallout 3 was a western game, that would be awesome. I mean, there’s not much to say here.

9- 1 word. Chuck Norris

I said it. Chuck Norris. Game. Think about it.

8- A game based off various mythology that does not suck

Okay, there’s God of War, but give me another decent one. Legendary? Nope. Spartan Total Warrior? For God’s sake, no. Viking? …

7-A true GoldenEye successor

The results of Quantam of Solace the game killed us all a little inside.

6-A game that does not kick Turok while he’s down

What has Touchstone done to Turok?! I thought that Touchstone only made movies! What does this have to do with a time traveling Native American who has a nuke gun? What happened to when Turok used to rip open “Dinozoids” with his pizza cutter-shooting gun, anyways? To bad that stupid wrestling game ruined Akklaim. So sad…

5-A FarCry 2 with Jack Carver in it

Doyle: “You can’t change the past, Jack!”

Jack: “Yeah, but I can stop you.”

*bang*

Jack: “Stupid a*shole.”

Or the end goes something like that. Fine, Jack Carver’s to cool for FarCry 2 anyways.

4-Shadow of the Collossus 2…

Where was everybody’s favorite dialogue-stripped game this year at E3? Huh, people who made Iko? Huh?

3-A Jaws game where you’re not Jaws

A stupid board meeting:

Guy 1: “So the plan is, you’re a person on a boat, and Jaws attacks you and—”

Guy 2: “No! No! Great idea, but… get this. How about you play as Jaws?!?”

Guy 3: “Hey, yeah! And you can have a nautiating camera angle and bend the plot to the point where you play in giant underwater research labs!”

Guy 1: “Well… that’s not really—

Boss: “Guy 2, how would you like to be promoted?”

Yeah…

2-Mirror’s Edge

Oh wait.

1-“Ted Nugent’s bullet deflecting guitar squad!” or “The Nooge”

Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

The first trailer begins with a cop car. It get’s a radio transmission about criminals hiding out in a shed. It takes a left turn and finds a barn surrounded by cop cars. Cut to the inside of the shed where Ted Nugent and his band are hiding out. A cop breaks down the door. In slow motion, Ted Nugent deflects the cop’s bullets. Then the screen goes black and shows a date. Pure gold.

PS: I hate Ted Nugent. Woops… The Nooge.
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